Could It Be You?

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Power of One
Ezra Alem


Ezra.adjWe sometimes walk a dangerous line when we share the experiences of foster youth with others. Providing specific methods and techniques — explaining and integrating each other's voices with theirs so that we can move on with our lives by accepting the past. When we don’t understand how others have lived, the differences between foster youth and adults can grow. We tend to assume that people are the way they are based on how we appear to each other. But no one is born the way they are. The world fills their memories, actions, and understanding based on their environment and upbringing. Foster children, group home youth, and homeless youth are constantly in very critical situations, day-in and day-out. Even though hearing someone share their stories can feel uncomfortable — it may feel like they're blaming the system, or whatever negative attachments one might have — sometimes we need to hear the things we tend to dismiss, because we all are human beings, and everyone needs to be heard.

I recently received my personal file from when I was in care. After reading the things written during my time in care, I was very disturbed as to what I saw. There were things that I read that made me remember everything that happened and there were things that I wished that I hadn’t seen. I was angry and frustrated. I was just a young child and had no control of my life or what happened in it. I grew up having nothing, but because I am still alive — I’ve survived — I understand how others feel and how frustrating life can be when we don’t know what is being reported about us and have no one to trust. I want the world to know what I’ve been through so no one else has to go through it. I wish I could give you my memories, my struggles, the night terrors, the pain of knowing that what everyone was telling me was a lie was in fact true. If you weren’t there, how do you know what’s the truth? And if you didn’t go through the emotions and experiences that I went through, how can you understand how I see life today?

“We tend to assume that people
are the way they are based on
how we appear to each other. But
no one is born the way they are.
The world fills their memories,
actions, and understanding based
on their environment
and upbringing.”

 

I would say that I survived. For most of my life, it felt like I was both a victim and a suspect, keeping me from living my life as a normal child. Foster care itself seemed so dangerous that I didn’t want any part of it. I believed that I was better off without the system's help. I took care of myself most of the time and didn’t want anyone to support me, but at the end of the day I still needed to talk to someone or just to reach out to someone who can just listen and support me as I went through life. People tend to forget how fortunate they are when they don’t have to experience what life can be like when it kicks you in the butt. I needed someone to guide me towards what I wanted in life and because of my life and my experience I can be more connected with others and be able to understand how people feel. Everyone has a role in life, and sometimes someone just needs a person who can give them their time and trust. Even if a young person may not seem like they want help, your presence is very much needed.

 

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